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What does it take to get a drink in this place?

Queen Donko of Punchstainia
hello my name is lux saturnine and i'm a chronic internets troll.

Yes, I'm going to upset you eventually. Nothing's sacred, everything's hysterical. I don't want to hear any bitching about "cut tags" and "fair warnings that we're about to have to look at a picture of some dude's wang". If you're dumb enough to check my journal at work, I hope you get fired.

Listen here, you weeping sissy-marys: complain again and I'll turn this Ell-Jay into the Goatse.cx fucking bonanza.

Hell is other people. Particularly if those people are me.

rollmonkey "So, you met somebody on the internet, and you finally decided that you're gonna go and meet them and maybe sparks will fly. Well guess what, people don't like you where you are now and they sure as fuck won't like you 1200 miles away in Whocaresshire. Get over it."

anarchemist "...today I saw this totally hot little blonde chick waiting for the bus on Magazine, and then I realized that it was ultraluxe. Everytime I see a really hot girl lately, it's Lux."

iamnoisedisco "I am ultraluxe, look at this picture of half of my face."

ava_perestroika "you are having a party tonight and we're going to flip out and collect heads and glue people to ceiling fans and get belligerent and break dance for bubblegum and eat hot dogs and screw hot bitches and break light bulbs and go drifting and guzzle unagi to get the power and declare red tennis shoes illegal and fuck hot bitches and use katanas as sex toys and ball hot bitches and freeze our enemies with freon and wear mad jewelry and rubber armour and dance the unmentionable dance that goes on inside the pants because that's what ninjas do. call me."

frankenstien "You need to check out this site, courtesy of the deadly ultraluxe, the only person I know who actually kills people for money."

synthethicmuse "bartenders love you more if you keep ordering drinks & tip them well. doesn't hurt all that much if you helped them run away from home when they were kids either."

voctrovi "you know that one Peanuts character that always had a cloud of dirt and shit around him .... you also always make that cloud appear ... but when it's there ... it's attached to everyone else."

rfjason "Baby, you put the WRECK in ERECTION!"

posthypnoticboy "...do every man who will ever make the mistake of caring about you a favor and go fucking kill yourself. You are worse than cancer."

halo_ov_fire "Knowing you makes suicide sound like a dessert."

lenken "ultraluxe passes her time on lazy Sunday afternoons by exposing herself to children."

jimfitzmorris "Consistently ugly and mean-spirited [...] Your blog is horrendous."


"i like dvd", CAPSLOCK, I hear there's rumors on the internets, 1337, abortion is useful, abrasive noise, aimless driving, anarchy means i jaywalk, arguing over nothing, attack the gas station, ayn rand, brokeback retarded, christina aguliawhatshername, crotchrockets, cubase, cybernetic organisms, dancing in parking lots, delusional war veterans, depopulation, dipshits, disinformation, donkey punching, dropped penny kills man, eating vegetarians, faygo, forensic pathology, gasmasks, girl-on-donkey action, glass houses, habitual lewdness, high-drama livejournal posting wars, hitler was a pussy, hostile takeovers, house of leaves, i hate children, i heart band, i'll cut you bitch, inappropriate laughter, infanticide, internet disease, iodized salt, italo calvino, japanese rope bondage, jesus chrysler, josh ballard, jumping on the bandwagon, kompressor, less than 3, lj terrorism, lol you got raped, loose morals, making fun of evanescence, marsupials, meat bullets, merzbow, mindless self-indulgence, mono no aware, music as silence, muted logic, my anus is bleeding, needle sharing, niggers, non-sequiters, not being jewish, not respecting the dumb, obscure pop culture references, only i listed this, peeing on third rails, pillowfight suckerpunches, plastic surgery disasters, pointy sticks, police brutality, puddle stomping, punching your mom, really dark black, robots, ru486, ruining futurepop for everyone, running in the rain, schadenfreude, second life, severely irrational jealousy, shitty art, smoking too much, song gets heavier, soviet propaganda, stepping on heads, stop reading my interests, street racing, stupid catch phrases, t50ys, thailand, the final solution, the long walk home, the postal service, the scent of gasoline, there is no counterculture, things i never said, thinking i'm cool, throwing things at people, trick questions, un-fetish, underage sluts, vaginas, violating copyright laws, violence against goths, vodka, walking fast in libraries, white noise, why won't you die, wops, writing with crayons, yelling, your interests suck, your mouth my fist,